I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
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He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
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I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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