Dude my mom stole all your condoms
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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