I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
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The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
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Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Randomize