Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize