I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
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Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
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I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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