explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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