Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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