i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
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I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
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Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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