Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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