Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize