my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
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When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
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I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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