Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize