i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize