Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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