she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
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YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
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Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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