dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Randomize