How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
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No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
and you fell through a lawn chair
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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