dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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