my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize