Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
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