You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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