I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
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I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
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I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Ladies don't puke and tell
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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