I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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