I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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