how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize