Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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