My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize