I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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