The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You're a waste of cheezeits
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I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
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