She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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