me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize