i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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