Grow some girl-balls and come out already
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
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