he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
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And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
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Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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