the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
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At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
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Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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