i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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