no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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