Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
People with herpes should wear stickers.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We just shotgunned beers for America
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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