She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
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He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
There r osticjed everywhere
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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