My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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