peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
too bad you live with your parents still
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize