If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
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you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
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