fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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