booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize