Is it because I queefed?
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were destined to go to rehab together
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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