help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Vodka?
Forever.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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