It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
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He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
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I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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