Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
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he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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