just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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