finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
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I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
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My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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