i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
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