I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize